Oh my gosh-just reading all your posts makes me remember the ordeal I
had with methadone.I feel it stole 14 years of my life.
I slowly increased over the years to end up on 210mgs.
I had tried many times to detox slowly off it.Didn't work for me,I'd
end up using.I hated being on it just the same and all the clinic b.s.
although I did have weekly take-homes,I still hated the clinic.I
didn't feel very much,if you know what I mean.I looked forward to the
little "glow"that lasted about 20 minutes.Due to cir***stances out of
my control I was forced to go 8 days without it(jail)I figured Iv'e
made it this far roll with it.On my way home from the pokey I started
feeling shaky and weak.By the time I got home I was having cold
sweats.I became so sick I couldn't have made it to the clinic if I
wanted.I was in and out of conciousness for 4 days,and I believe I
picked up some flu or something at the jail(you know the clean
conditions there-It was filthy)because I ran a fever,to make it
short,I made it through and never went back.My major problem was
extreme fatigue.And now it will be 3 years clean in february.It took
so long for my energy to return I thought maybe it never would.Slowly
over 2 years it came back and Iv'e got more energy than Iv'e had in
over 14 years.
The little things like regular bowel movements,the ability to be close
with my children,I now actually care about other people,and my
community.
I'm not trying to preach here-but if you want off it -it can be done.
I remember feeling so hopeless at times,I was unhappy using heroin
and unhappy being on methadone,but it continues to slowly get
better.And Im mostly happy now.I relied heavily on sup****t groups and
there was no N.A. around so I went to A.A..I dont go as often as I
used to(I went every day)but I still go.Heroin is still kicking ass,I
hear it from newcomers.I guess I'm very fortunate to finally be
free............
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