I am a heavy-duty crack/cocaine addict who has to stop using. I can't
take the pain in my stomache if I don't use even just 2 days. the
pain is unbearable. it always causes me to go out on another binge.
is there anything that helps a crack/cocaine addict stop? some kind of
medicine to make the withdrawl better. and what surprised me, was the
last time i went to rehab, it was 19 days and the stuff was still in
my system... they say now that it takes 6 months for all the effects
of using - to be gone from your body.
i can't go back to rehab, i can't have them take me off my regular
meds, and they do every single time. that makes me anxious and I call
a dealer who will pick me up and in no time i am using again.
eating - i have trouble doing that even when I don't use. My body has
the runs continually... even when i spent time in prison, i am on so
many meds that should make me constipated - but nothing does. and it's
even worse when I use. I live on imodium 2 pillls every day, and still
I go and go and go...
One main reason I HAVE to stop is... I am having gastric bypass done
within a month, and you CANNOT SMOKE (INHALE) anything... if I were a
ciggerette smoker (I'm not), I would have to stop smoking before they
would perform the surgery. They don't know I am an addict. You would
think getting high 340 days of the year, would make a person THIN...
but it doesn't work that way, not for me anyhow. I am still over 250
pounds... and with my rhuematoid arthritis and my sciatica, as well as
no cartiledge in my knees, this surgery may make life bearable again,
and maybe someday I might be able to go back to work.
SO here I am... wanting to be clean again, because I loved life,
everything in life when I was clean... even bad days were better than
they are now. and after last night, getting torn and twisted bodily
- I am scared to go where I usually hung out. and getting high at home
is out of the question... my dad used to allow it, but now I have an
ultimatum - stop using at home or move.
so i was forced out of the privacy of my bedroom, to have to hang out
at crack houses... and that just isn't me. if you saw me on the
street, you would never guess in a million years that I smoked crack.
or that I have been in prison twice for possession of crack/cocaine.
people that i have run into, in the last year - smoking crack - has
got me boggled. I was a goody-two shoes, i mean so bad as to not let
my husband smoke ciggerettes or drink beer in the house... but pain in
my jaw - I have trigeminal neuralgia (and tegretol) the medication
most often used to subdue the pain, almost killed me... so it is pain
I am running from... pain in my face...
then finding these people, i knew in school - we were ALL NERDS, now
80% of the people I went to school with are smoking crack. How did
this happen?
I wish I could call up the prison, and say - let me come stay there
for 6 months, so I can get clean again... but I don't want another
felony on my record. and anyway they would probably laugh at me. just
like everyone else is.
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